Ticked Tuesday: Dear Insulting Halloween Items
Get the F out of my holiday! (GTFOMH) No, I’m not talking about vulgarity, or blood, or pictures of people’s faces that squirt blood out of the eye sockets; I’m talking to you god-damn-mother-fucking ‘cute’ items. All of those ghosts holding candy baskets smiling, all of those purple and orange skeletons with the hats on and ESPECIALLY those little teddy bears with pumpkin heads. Teddy bears have no place in Halloween!
If you’re going to decorate for Halloween, make it scary or creepy or eerie. Halloween is supposed to scare you and put you on edge of your nerves. It’s not supposed to be bright, friendly and fun for the whole family. I mean I’m all for taking kids trick-or-treating, but if your kid is a little pussy it’s not going to be wise to take them up to the door of the house with tombstones on the front lawn. If you don’t want to get spooked, just stay inside like you do every other night.
Boo-bye,
Jeff
P.S. The “Cute Ban” (as it will now be called) does not apply to costumes, but solely decorations. If you want to dress your kids up as care bears, all the power to you.
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