Posts Tagged ‘thriller’

• Movie: Twilight (Review)

  Date: 2008.12.06 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 1

  Movie: Twilight
  Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Thriller

  To start off, I was going into this movie with big expectations since 2008 seems to be the year of the vampire. I wouldn’t consider this a good representation though.

  A quick summary: Girl (Bella) moves to new town and becomes the new girl in high school. New Girl falls in love with outsider kid (Edward Collins) who is a vampire.New Girl and Vampire have strange relationship, girl almost gets killed by evil vampire. End.

  The nitty-gritty that bothers me of this movie is not only the inconsistency within itself, but the fact that the attributes of these vampires seem to be lacking towards those that we commonly know. For example, these vampires do not sleep at all (aka no coffins). I can live with this I suppose, it doesn’t effect the plot. However, they also are able to survive sunlight. In fact, not only does it not harm them at all it makes them shiny. Worse off, the Collins’ family states they only drink animal blood and it is left at that. Well there goes the entire vampire aspect of these people.

  The plot itself that annoys me is that for the first hour and twenty minutes of this movie you could replace the ‘vampire’ factor of Edward (the male love interest) with just a pale emo kid and it wouldn’t change the plot at all. There is no real vampire-human obstacles that they’re overcoming here, just a lot of him saying “I don’t know if I resist myself”. *yawn* Now at this 1h20m point, it does a complete 360 degree turn here and suddenly they’re being chased by an evil vampire (who was awkwardly placed in the story might I add) and they’re trying to kill Bella. So it was 1h20m of high school emo garbage then the final 30 minutes is a horribly cliche fight scene.

  As an added bonus to this pathetic attempt of a movie, Edward is able to read minds. He can’t, however, read the mind of Bella. He also often refers to her as ‘the one’ or similar there of because she has a different scent from the rest of the humans. It might just be me, but I’m pretty sure I already saw this before…Oh yeah, on True Blood. Suki (the female on True Blood) has the different scent and she can read minds. She is also in love with a vampire named Bill. It looks to me like somebody stole somebody else’s idea and just mixed it up. I think I like True Blood better.

  Final Summation: Avoid this movie, watch True Blood on HBO instead. If you don’t have HBO, run over your face with a lawn mower, it’s still more entertaining than this movie.
  Score: 4/10

• Movie: Resident Evil: Extinction (Review)

  Date: 2007.09.29 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  I have to say I’m not happy with Resident Evil: Extinction. The first Resident Evil was pretty good, Resident Evil: Apocalypse was good (maybe just because of the link to Toronto) and had a lot of elements from the games but this one? This sucked.

  The plot has gotten old, they’re killing zombies. Now Alice (Jovovich) has superpowers to kill zombies, this is lame. The movie started with nothing and ended with nothing. The ‘cliffhanger’ that they put and the end doesn’t make me want to see the next film but instead go ask for my money back from the previous. To add insult to injury, the fight scenes were few and far between and when they were present weren’t worth watching the pathetic acting to get there.

  There may have been some nice partial-nudity (which always earns itself 1 star if the actress is hot) but I wouldn’t recommend this movie, especially for those who still admire the Resident Evil series. Don’t waste your money, do something better.

  Total: 4/10 Brains, the movie hurt my brains.

• Movie: Rise (Review)

  Date: 2007.09.01 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  I’m honestly in question about the integrity of writers after watching Rise (not that I wasn’t in question of most writers before). I can picture writers sitting around and having this conversation:

  Writer 1: “Lets write a movie about a girl who becomes a vampire but wants to be good and kill the bad vampires.”

  Writer 2: “We just watched a movie that did that about an hour ago.”
  Writer 1: “Yeah but it was awesome.”
  Writer 2: “Good point, open up a new word document.”

  That being said, I really can’t give it any point for coming up with a good plot. As far as the acting goes…well Lucy Liu showed a lot of ass, does that count? It wasn’t bad though, it was just more of a ‘meh, still doesn’t make the movie not suck’ thing. Lucy Liu is attractive, don’t get me wrong but watching her gnaw on a dead homeless man’s arm really isn’t a turn on for me.

  I don’t know what else to say about this movie, it’s just blood and ass with a weak plot thrown in. At least they tried though right?

  Total: 5.5/10 I’ll have a glass of 1968 Oriental with a side of prostitute, hold the STDs.

• Movie: Grindhouse: Planet Terror (Review)

  Date: 2007.08.27 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 1

  This was awesome. Firstly just the style of it as a whole with the previews and film scratches was fantastic, it really set a good theme for the movie. I loved the fact that they used old-style effects for this entire movie. Honestly, if they had taken this same plot with the same actors and tried to make it ‘modern’ as far as effects and everything goes it wouldn’t be as entertaining.

  To explain myself further, take the gore. Being a zombie-based movie, there was a scene where a group of zombies ripped apart a body and it broke into was looked like puzzle pieces (as one was a perfectly straight line cut from shoulder to bottom rib on the other side of the chest) as well as resulting in tons of blood just spraying everywhere. Were that done with today’s mindset, I’m sure they’d have ripped the limbs off and left the torso as well as less blood that was shown. Another great thing was the way they did the explosions: it actually looked real. I find personally that today’s “special effects” are just that, effects and not realistic looking so was a nice change.

  Did I mention that it had a sex scene and boob shots? Well it did. As well as a melting penis, which almost made me vomit. It also had very subtle comedy thrown in. There was one section where the girl said “I don’t fucking care” (or something along that line) and the guy replied “I like the way you say fuck”, and she retorted “fuck you” followed by him taking his shirt off.

  So as far as an awesome movie goes this had zombies, a sex scene, explosions, blood and zombies. It’s definitely a “guy’s movie” if there ever was one.

  Total: 9/10 I dare you to watch this and try not to say “Duuuuuuuude” or “Oh my god!” at least once.

• Movie: Live Free or Die Hard 4.0 (Review)

  Date: 2007.08.12 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  Aka. How to stop cyber-terrorism for dummies.
  I was putting off watching Live Free or Die Hard under the impression that it was another action film, which is exactly what it was. However, when I actually looked and saw it was about cyber-terrorism, I decided to check it out. The funny part about that is that they stopped it by blowing shit up. Seriously, you don’t need a brain when you launch a cop car at a flying helicopter.

  Final: 9.5/10
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• Review: I Know Who Killed Me

  Date: 2007.08.03 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  I’m not even going to bother using a format for this movie because I know who killed me is horrible. I honestly think that the entire staff, not just Lohan, must have been on drugs while making it.

  In short, the story is about Lohan (Aubrey) being a suburban girl in high school who loves writing. She.goes missing then is found again with a missing leg and hand, assumed to have been cut off by a psycho who did the same thing to a girl the week before. However, when she’s found she thinks that she is a girl named Dakota. The story goes really, really slow with her trying to prove she’s not Aubrey. The FBI reads a story Aubrey wrote on her laptop, and it’s similar to the events now so they think she is making it all up. The last 20 minutes of the movie Dakota comes to the father about him switching babies with a crack whore (Dakota’s mother) and that Aubrey is still out there and the two girls have a link where they feel each other’s pain. They go to where she thinks the psycho is, she was right and there is two of them. End of story.

  So as I said, the story was really slow. Half of the movie was Lohan attempting to be ‘sexy’ as Dakota was supposed to have been an exotic dancer. She sucks, and that’s pathetic because at this part in the movie she had all of her limps and I’ve still seen paraplegics with better movies. Lohan is attractive and all, but this made her look horrible. The movie then followed up with a sex scene and a crying scene, both of which could have been done better by a 1st grader dressed as a tomato. The rest of the movie was filled with about 35 minutes of scenes with her cutting her fingers off. It was lovely, but not quite as bad as the strip show she put on earlier.

  I’m honestly disappointed, but I should have seen it coming. With Lohan’s recently off screen actions it’s impossible for her to still be a good actress. However when reading the description I thought the plot might just hold up enough to make it watchable, but it didn’t. It might have been better if they didn’t waste so much time and rush the entire plot into the last 20 minutes, but I suppose that would involve a little better acting skill.

  To end on a positive note though, there was one great scene. After she had her parts removed and replaced with prosthetic parts and go to physiotherapy and can you guess who the doctor there was? It was CRAB MAN! Yeah, Eddie Steeples who plays Darnell Turner on My Name Is Earl was her doctor. Near the end of the scene she thanks him for calling her Dakota and not Aubrey and I was just wishing she had said “Thanks Crab Man” instead of just thanks.

  There was also a scene where they show Jessica Rose (aka LonelyGirl15) in a classroom listening to Aubrey read one of her stories. No wonder the LG15 series has been so lame lately, she’s been off making movies! I’m sure this must be ‘the ceremony’ that they were trying to force Bree to do in the series, because having to be part of such a bad movie is definitely something to run from.

• Movie: Premonition (Review)

  Date: 2007.05.18 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  Premonition
  Genre: Thriller

  Plot: From start to finish I felt like I had seen this movie 100 times before. You can only have a character go insane by seeing the future so many times before it gets old. Needless to say, it got old long ago. The typical plot line here was thrown out the window, since the viewer has to sit down after and try to figure out why stuff happened and even then it doesn’t actually add up quite right. There was a lot of garbage thrown into it that I didn’t understand why they even bothered with it because it had little to no effect on the movie and looked like it was there just to fill in the space. Being said, the ending was uneventful and dull. 2/5

  Cast: The actors that were selected for this film were fine. Given that they’re weren’t incredibly hard roles to play, almost anybody would do. Bullock came off unimpressive, detached and genuinely seemed as though she were acting and not the character herself throughout the majority of the movie. The remainder of the cast however seemed to find their characters very well. 1.5/2

  Other: Over all it wasn’t a bad movie, but it was nowhere near a good movie either. If you’re looking for the same Hollywood garbage that is supposed to ‘make you think’ this is for you. Personally I’d rather have my foot run over by a school bus instead. 1.5/3

  Final: 5/10
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• Movie: The Invisible (Review)

  Date: 2007.05.16 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  The invisible
  God damn, another wasted movie. Why do they even bother making this crap?

  So the movie is about two people: A ‘disturbed’ teen (Nick) who becomes the typical outcast in a high school situation after his father dies and a female character (Annie) who convinces herself that she has problems and turns to crime. Anyway, Annie commits a crime, gets caught the next day and was told Nick ratted he out. So she beats the hell out of him and thinking he’s dead disposes of the body in the woods.Nick comes back in ghost form guilts her into helping find the body and save him at the last minute then dies herself. Blah Blah same boring crap.

  The movie really wasn’t very good and it wasn’t one of those ‘oh my god I’m going to vomit’ bad movies either (unlike my last review). It’s really not even worth watching.

  Rating: 3/10 and leave this one alone.
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• Movie: The Number 23 (Review)

  Date: 2007.05.14 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  21, 22, Twenty-Three… Ready or not here I come!

  I liked this movie; the plot was well done.and original, the cast was done well and it didn’t leave any huge loop holes or cliffhangers at the end. The plot starts simple, Walter (Carey) Finds a book that makes him paranoid about the whole world revolving around the number 23. That’s all I’m going to say about the plot, it will make it more fun to watch yourself later and yes you should watch it.

  Carey did a good job in this movie even though it wasn’t a comedy and I’m glad. I find his comedies are usually always funny, but any other genre tends to be a coin flip. Take for instance >Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, it was a good movie. However with flops like Man on the Moon and The Majestic you never know quite what you’re getting into.

  Rating: 9/10 Very entertaining, worth a buy.

• Movie: Next (Review)

  Date: 2007.05.13 | Posted by Jeff | Category: Movies / TV / Books | Response: 0

  Can I help who’s Next?

  I didn’t care for this movie too much really, but it wasn’t a bad movie at all. Cris Johnson (Cage) can see 2 minutes into his own future with the exception of being able to see that Liz (Biel) will be in his future at a certain time. He’s wanted by the FBI to help them stop a bomb from going off but he doesn’t want to and runs from them. He and Biel end up hooking up and that ‘opens his senses’ I guess to see further into the future and there is a whole part where she gets kidnapped so and so forth.

  It’s really not a bad movie if you want some explosionsans and just something to watch a dude running from the cops. The only beef that I have with it is that Cage and Biel end up hooking up which just seems wrong. I can’t see how they figured that two actors with a 25 year age cap would make a good couple (and yeah, he looks old in this movie trust me). The actors both did a fine job, but seeing somebody my parents age making out with somebody my ae gives me the willies.

  Rating: 7.5/10 It gives the viewers exactly what it says it will: cop chases, explosions and a funky but simple story line. Worth a rent if that’s what you’re looking for.