Eggo Estates
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Insulting Halloween Items
Get the F out of my holiday! (GTFOMH) No, I’m not talking about vulgarity, or blood, or pictures of people’s faces that squirt blood out of the eye sockets; I’m talking to you god-damn-mother-fucking ‘cute’ items. All of those ghosts holding candy baskets smiling, all of those purple and orange skeletons with the hats on and ESPECIALLY those little teddy bears with pumpkin heads. Teddy bears have no place in Halloween!
If you’re going to decorate for Halloween, make it scary or creepy or eerie. Halloween is supposed to scare you and put you on edge of your nerves. It’s not supposed to be bright, friendly and fun for the whole family. I mean I’m all for taking kids trick-or-treating, but if your kid is a little pussy it’s not going to be wise to take them up to the door of the house with tombstones on the front lawn. If you don’t want to get spooked, just stay inside like you do every other night.
Boo-bye,
Jeff
P.S. The “Cute Ban” (as it will now be called) does not apply to costumes, but solely decorations. If you want to dress your kids up as care bears, all the power to you.
Habithack: Email Filters
Everyday people gets tons and tons of emails (at least I do) and for the most part they were all going into my inbox, which would pile up pretty fast. With filters though, you can easily organize your email as it comes in and decide when you want to read what email when, if at all.
First, have a look at this easy to read chart I drew up and find out Do you need to use Email Filters?
Filters are fairly easy to set up if you’re using Mozilla Thunderbird (it’s not rocket science in other clients either, but we’re going to be focusing on Thunderbird today). The first thing you want to decide is how you want to separate your email. I have my personal email separated like this:
- Family (pretty self explanatory)
- NewLet (Newsletters)
- Confirm (Confirmation, private message notifications, ect)
- Junk (spam)
Though these are very simplistic, it keeps my inbox fairly clean and allows me to see if something new is in, or just old stuff coming up again.
Now, the How To:
- Firstly, create the folders you want to have them put into (File->New->Folder. Put in in ‘Inbox on email@address.com’).
- Once you have all your folders created, it’s time to create the filters. Go to Tools->Message Filters.
- Make sure the email address you want to use the filters is selected (if you have more than one email in the client) then click the ‘New’ button. At the top, enter a name for this filter, we’re going to use ‘Family’ for this example.
- The next step is to decide how it’s going to filter them there by selecting the variables from the drop down menus, we’re going to select ‘From’ and ‘is’ since we’re adding family. Now enter their email address in the text box on that line and click the ‘+’ button.
- On the bottom half of the screen select ‘Move message to’, then click the 2nd drop down box and find your folder named ‘Family’, select and click the ‘+’ button. Click OK. Now all email from that address you entered will go directly into the desired folder.
You’ve added one and it wasn’t too hard right? Well you can continue doing that. It may seem like a lot of work right now, but it will save you time and hassle down the road when your inbox has over 3000 emails in it when you come back from vacation. I find it useful too if you use the ‘body’ and ‘contains’ as well most of the time, more than email addresses. This is simply because I get a lot of ‘buy Viagra’ and ‘replica watches cheap!’, so adding the words and making them go to spam is easier than adding all of the dummy emails they use.
Not all Habithacks are tech-based (we’re not machines after all), tomorrow we’ll be covering Wallets and why you’re better off without them.
Habithack: Communication
I’m going to start with one of the biggest time savers first, communication. To be more precise tacking email. Not a week goes by that I don’t hear a conversation including the line “Which email did you send it to because I didn’t get it”. If you take the extra time to set it up, it won’t matter. The two biggest problems with email are having multiple addresses and having no filters (or bad filters) set up, so lets tackle the first of those two issues today.
The best thing to do for those who use more than one email address is to get a client. Some people like to use Microsoft outlook or Outlook Express, I recommend Mozilla Thunderbird because it’s clean, functional and easy to add extensions to if needed. For those of you that use a shared computer the client still requires the use of a password, so put your minds at ease, nobody is reading your email.
When setting up an email address in a client, the main components you need to know are user name, password, pop3 address and SMTP address. These aren’t hard to get, the user name and passwords ar the same you would be using for checking your email in a browser. For addresses they’re usually just something like “mail.website.com”, and can most often be found under one of the options tabs of mail settings. For some larger, free services however such as Hotmail and Gmail, they use longer addresses. I recommend checking out the webmail extension to simplify setting them up if they’re you’re service of choice.
Once you have your first email address set up, you’re more than half way done. When you have that working go to File->New->Account and put all the into in again. Now both email accounts will have all the emails coming into the same spot: You’ve just cut your loading, logging and waiting time in half. If you want to add another email account, you’ll cut it down even more. I recommend to add all of your emails to a client, it will save you lots of time.
The reason that I recommended Thunderbird is because it can add extensions and themes really easily, and these are what puts this client on the top of the list. You can see all the extensions and themes on the add-on site. Here are some useful ones that I’ve found useful:
MinimizeToTray: Allows you to minimize the Thunderbird window to the system tray and alerts you when a new email comes in.
FoxyTunes: Allows you to control your music player from within your mail client. Also available for Firefox.
Crossover X theme: Nice Macish theme. And blue 
Another quick Thunderbird tip: You can use Thunderbird Portable to install your client on a flash drive. Works with all the same functions and no need to be strapped down to one computer. Great for home and work.
Tomorrow’s topic is Email filters: have the client organize all of your mail for you as it comes in!
Habithack: Intro
When people think of me, I’m sure “wow, he really has it together” isn’t the first thing they think. But contrary to first impressions, when I do something I think I do it pretty well.
Most of what I do in life is simple, when something gets too complicated I usually end up breaking it into pieces and attacking things in parts and it works. Starting Monday I’m going to share some simple tips of how I save time and get things done by stripping it down and putting it back together how it should have been built, so stay tuned.
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Bad-Timing
Why do you always show up where you’re not wanted? Is there somebody that calls you up and says “Hey, we’re OK here can you come fuck it up?” I mean seriously, where the hell do you come from?
Lets take for instance the latest issue: writing this post. Any day of the week EXCEPT for today I could think of at least one thing that is annoying me, but today when everything has gone right and I can’t think of anything: It’s Tuesday. Why couldn’t you have let today be Monday or Wednesday, I’m sure I could have come up with something then. How dare you bless me with a good mood on the day that I’m supposed to be vengeful.
So in conclusion I think if you and I want to have a healthy relationship we have to set some boundaries, or we’re going to have to stop talking. The main one being not to show up when you’re not wanted. If you can do that, we’ll be BFFs. If not, sucks to be you.
See ya soon (or not),
Jeff
P.S. I hope you get this when you’re having a good day so that it makes you sad. Go go irony!
I’m thankful…
Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I figure I’ll try to come up with a list of some things that I’m thankful for. I normally don’t care for Thanksgiving (I’ll take ham over turkey any day) but lately I feel I’ve been quite a ‘Negative Nancy’ so it comes at a good time. Without further ado: I’m thankful…
- That people care enough to nag me to do stuff that I should be doing anyway.
- That I haven’t had to deal with a death lately. *knock on wood*
- That Blogging for Apples has been growing in visitors.
- For net neutrality.
- That George Bush can’t find Canada on a map
- That people continue to nag me to do stuff even after I tell them I will and forget.
- For cheeseburgers.
- That I only have to make a list about positive things once a year!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Web 2.0
FUCK YOU! I mean, Hi. No wait, I meant fuck you. There’s no nice way of putting this, but you pushed the wrong buttons and I hate you. I’ve been around the internet for nearly a decade now and the only reason it has lasted that long is because there were people on the other side of the computer keeping me here, thus the ‘net’ part of the term ‘Internet’, the network. Just because you’re just catching on doesn’t mean that it’s new, you’re just slow.
Communication and networking as always been the driving factor, no matter what ‘version’ of the web you’re using. Weblogs, chat rooms, forums, and instant messaging tools have all been created solely for the purpose of sharing data and networking with other people. If you think that websites were created and left as they were without multiple people contributing then you’re foolish. What is it that turns EVERYTHING online into ‘web 2.0′? Honestly I’m sick of seeming the term. Every blog now has a big “2.0!” written on it now. Did they actually change anything? Nope, but ‘web 2.0′ is all the rage these days. Every marketing asshole now says their product is made for web 2.0 yet there is no change from the same crap they’ve been producing before, they just added an ‘email us’ button at the bottom.
Just because everybody and their dog can now point and click to have their own ‘website’ doesn’t mean that we’re in a new version of the web, it just means we’ve lowered our standards. Saying that all this new crap is 2.0 means that there is a distinguishing difference from the older 1.0 stuff. Aside from the lack of intelligence and creativity required for internet use I haven’t noticed anything change.
As the net gets bigger people find more ways to organize it. All of these social networking and bookmarking sites are just that. They’re not creating a new product, they’re simply adding on. Because the internet isn’t a stable thing, you can’t define the difference between versions. You’re dumb.
Plugging my peripherals into your motherboard,
Jeff
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Dentist
I’m sorry for…doing whatever it is that I did that pissed you off. I’m not really sure what I did that upset you, but I’m sure it must have been horrible for you since you’ve been treating me like crap the moment I met you.
The first time I met you I was on my back with a rubber glove in my mouth, so I think it’s a fair assumption that you can’t be upset that I was unable to greet you and shake your hand. You addressed me by my last name, without even a title, which was kind of rude. I can understand having to be professional, but a ‘Mr.’ was the least you could do given that I’m paying you almost $100 for the 5 minutes that you’re actually in the room.
Aside from the first impression that you gave me, I tried to be as nice as possible since I was hoping you’d help me out with my tooth problem. I was even going so far as hoping that after you looked inside my mouth and saw your new convertible in there that you’d be a little more friendly. It was a shame though you were still an asshole.
Oh well, I guess you can’t be nice to everybody who is going to be paying you almost a grand huh? What kind of world would we live in if we showed people some respect and treated them like people. Maybe in your mixed up world if I had an affair with your wife you’d give me a little more respect. Or maybe, just maybe, we weren’t meant to be friends and that makes my heart sad. But gives my middle finger an erection.
Hope you don’t reproduce,
Jeff
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Customer
This is just a friendly reminder that you owe me 5 minutes. You don’t have to pay it right now, but if you could get it to me by the end of the month it would be great. 
.
In case you forgot, I was standing behind you in line the other day at Wal-Mart when you took more than 3 minutes to get the money from your pocket to the cashier. I completely understand that with both that $25 box set of One Tree Hill and $1.14 pack of gum you couldn’t do the mental math in your head to get the money ready. The fact that you were standing in line for 15 minutes waiting to get to the cashier isn’t even worth mentioning (it’s not like I’d expect you to do something besides play with yourself while standing in line after all)
Who in their right mind would want to show that they have money on them? You’d stick out from everybody else in line waiting to pay for their items with crazy actions like that. Everybody knows that the two feet from where you were standing isn’t nearly as safe a place to show that you have to count out 73 cents worth of pennies as directly in front of the cashier.
I’ll let you get back to your busy day, just wanted to send you a little reminder. I’m sure you have a lot to do between watching your soap operas and complaining that all 7 of your ‘despectfool kiz’ keep calling you an unemployed, overweight whore. At least you still get the child payments from one of the five baby-daddy’s right? You can always pop another one out when the next season comes out on DVD, it’s not like tax payers money is better spent elsewhere or anything.
Keep reaching for the stars,
Jeff
P.S. Don’t worry, Even though I got to the bus stop just in time to see the bus drive away I only had to wait 45 minutes to catch the next one. Bitch.
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Lazy typers
I’m really annoyed with your laziness. I mean you’re seriously lazy. Typing isn’t a hard thing to do but if you get so lazy that you need to start shortening down 2 and 3 letter words (which in most places don’t even count as a ‘real’ word to begin with) then you need to find a different way to communicate.
Lets do some examples here. If you types “g2g” or “brb” I can understand that because it’s easier and quicker than typing “got to go” or “be right back”, there are quite a few letters there and would take you a little bit longer to type. However, when you type “nite” instead of “night”, “u” instead of “you”, “r” instead of “are”, “2″ instead of “to/too”, etc… I want to just reach through the monitor and slap the fucktard out of you. If you’re shortening a word down by less than 3 letters you’re not saving time you’re being fucking lazy.
Please try to work on this problem before our next meeting or GET THE HELL OF MY INTERNET. Tell your mom I say ‘Hi’.
Cheers,
Jeff