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Ticked Tuesday: Dear Bad-Timing
Why do you always show up where you’re not wanted? Is there somebody that calls you up and says “Hey, we’re OK here can you come fuck it up?” I mean seriously, where the hell do you come from?
Lets take for instance the latest issue: writing this post. Any day of the week EXCEPT for today I could think of at least one thing that is annoying me, but today when everything has gone right and I can’t think of anything: It’s Tuesday. Why couldn’t you have let today be Monday or Wednesday, I’m sure I could have come up with something then. How dare you bless me with a good mood on the day that I’m supposed to be vengeful.
So in conclusion I think if you and I want to have a healthy relationship we have to set some boundaries, or we’re going to have to stop talking. The main one being not to show up when you’re not wanted. If you can do that, we’ll be BFFs. If not, sucks to be you.
See ya soon (or not),
Jeff
P.S. I hope you get this when you’re having a good day so that it makes you sad. Go go irony!
I’m thankful…
Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I figure I’ll try to come up with a list of some things that I’m thankful for. I normally don’t care for Thanksgiving (I’ll take ham over turkey any day) but lately I feel I’ve been quite a ‘Negative Nancy’ so it comes at a good time. Without further ado: I’m thankful…
- That people care enough to nag me to do stuff that I should be doing anyway.
- That I haven’t had to deal with a death lately. *knock on wood*
- That Blogging for Apples has been growing in visitors.
- For net neutrality.
- That George Bush can’t find Canada on a map
- That people continue to nag me to do stuff even after I tell them I will and forget.
- For cheeseburgers.
- That I only have to make a list about positive things once a year!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Ticked Tuesday: Why won’t you people just go die?
It’s fitting that I get so erk’d about this on a Tuesday. Maybe I’m taking Eggo’s gig for the week?
Anyhow, I really am hoping that all these crazy ass feminist bitches go die. I mean, we can vote, we can wear crazy slutty clothes anywhere we want, we can be like britney and go flashing our va-jay-jay all over hell’s half acre if we wanted to. (not that I do, so don’t ask.) Yet we can’t enjoy Disney Princesses because they’re a bad influence to young girls and provide an unrealistic image.
What. The. Fuck.
Look morons, IT’S A FUCKING CARTOON. I don’t know about anyone else, but I can honestly say that when I was watching Beauty and the Beast 14 years ago I was NOT thinking “boy, I can’t wait to be a french girl and fall in love with bigfoot”. And quite frankly, if your kid IS thinking that, there is something more wrong with them than a couple disney movies.
Also, I’m just annoyed with these crazy femibitches going on about how slutty the Disney princesses look. Strange, I didn’t know FLOOR LENGTH GOWNS and gloves were slutty. (well, I’ve seen the Tudors, but thats beside the point..) Granted, Ariel is a little bare, but she’s a mermaid. You try swimming in a floor length gown. I’ve never done it, but it would be a bit difficult. And again, if your kid is a mermaid, more issues than a disney movie. And yes, I know the argument “But it’s how they LOOK at you!”. Bullshit. They’re cartoon characters. If you’re looking for a cartoon character to seduce you, move to japan. I hear they really dig that shit over there.
In conclusion, the whole femibitch hatred of Disney is getting old. They’re not pedophiles (for the most part), they’re not trying to lure your children into prostitution, and they’re not ruining the ability for children to be children. Most of these characters are as old as you bitches are. Get over it.
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Web 2.0
FUCK YOU! I mean, Hi. No wait, I meant fuck you. There’s no nice way of putting this, but you pushed the wrong buttons and I hate you. I’ve been around the internet for nearly a decade now and the only reason it has lasted that long is because there were people on the other side of the computer keeping me here, thus the ‘net’ part of the term ‘Internet’, the network. Just because you’re just catching on doesn’t mean that it’s new, you’re just slow.
Communication and networking as always been the driving factor, no matter what ‘version’ of the web you’re using. Weblogs, chat rooms, forums, and instant messaging tools have all been created solely for the purpose of sharing data and networking with other people. If you think that websites were created and left as they were without multiple people contributing then you’re foolish. What is it that turns EVERYTHING online into ‘web 2.0′? Honestly I’m sick of seeming the term. Every blog now has a big “2.0!” written on it now. Did they actually change anything? Nope, but ‘web 2.0′ is all the rage these days. Every marketing asshole now says their product is made for web 2.0 yet there is no change from the same crap they’ve been producing before, they just added an ‘email us’ button at the bottom.
Just because everybody and their dog can now point and click to have their own ‘website’ doesn’t mean that we’re in a new version of the web, it just means we’ve lowered our standards. Saying that all this new crap is 2.0 means that there is a distinguishing difference from the older 1.0 stuff. Aside from the lack of intelligence and creativity required for internet use I haven’t noticed anything change.
As the net gets bigger people find more ways to organize it. All of these social networking and bookmarking sites are just that. They’re not creating a new product, they’re simply adding on. Because the internet isn’t a stable thing, you can’t define the difference between versions. You’re dumb.
Plugging my peripherals into your motherboard,
Jeff
New feature: Leanna reviews the new fall season
Well, it’s that time of the year again, when all eyes turn back to the networks for the love-hate relationship that is the new fall season. Thanks to the magic of DVR, I’ll be recording and watching most new series and reviewing them here. Now, please… keep in mind that I am but one, albeit brilliant, woman. I can’t possibly watch every single premiere on every channel. So I’ve limited myself to things that look like they may be hits, which eliminates everything on FOX. I’ve already eliminated K-ville from my list. I’m sorry, but Anthony Anderson is not worth watching in a drama, ever.
So, coming to you this week…
- Back to You
- Chuck
- Gossip Girl
- The Big Bang Theory
- Private Practice
- Dirty Sexy Money
- Big Shots
- Moonlight
- Cane
So, get yourself ready! And who knows, I may review the new season of returning series as well. I’m just a spontaneous sort of gal.
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Dentist
I’m sorry for…doing whatever it is that I did that pissed you off. I’m not really sure what I did that upset you, but I’m sure it must have been horrible for you since you’ve been treating me like crap the moment I met you.
The first time I met you I was on my back with a rubber glove in my mouth, so I think it’s a fair assumption that you can’t be upset that I was unable to greet you and shake your hand. You addressed me by my last name, without even a title, which was kind of rude. I can understand having to be professional, but a ‘Mr.’ was the least you could do given that I’m paying you almost $100 for the 5 minutes that you’re actually in the room.
Aside from the first impression that you gave me, I tried to be as nice as possible since I was hoping you’d help me out with my tooth problem. I was even going so far as hoping that after you looked inside my mouth and saw your new convertible in there that you’d be a little more friendly. It was a shame though you were still an asshole.
Oh well, I guess you can’t be nice to everybody who is going to be paying you almost a grand huh? What kind of world would we live in if we showed people some respect and treated them like people. Maybe in your mixed up world if I had an affair with your wife you’d give me a little more respect. Or maybe, just maybe, we weren’t meant to be friends and that makes my heart sad. But gives my middle finger an erection.
Hope you don’t reproduce,
Jeff
WoW – What is wrong with this world
This subject is a statement, not a question. World of Warcraft is what is wrong with this world. It’s obvious to me now. How did I figure this out? By looking on craigslist and seeing WoW accounts selling for $400, $500, and as high as $1100 dollars. WHAT THE HELL?
For my first point, I just want to let all of you brain dead morons that buy these accounts know: THE ENTIRE POINT OF A GAME IS TO PLAY IT. Novel idea, I know, but stick with me here. If you started mario after he’d killed Koopa, it’d be pretty boring. Same principle applies.
For my second point, if you have that kind of coin, why the HELL are you buying an account that you could get for free? Are you mentally touched? Are you THAT busy that you can’t work your way through a game? Are you Paris Hilton? Please, someone that’s bought one of these accounts, comment and tell me why I’m a closed-minded idiot for not getting this.
So in conclusion, with the economic crisis going on in many parts of the world, with genocide in Darfur and children starving to death, is it REALLY economically reliable to put your entire life savings in an MMO account?
Here’s a little free advice for you freaks, straight from me to you. STOP WASTING YOUR GOD DAMN MONEY ON GAMING ACCOUNTS AND THROW IT AWAY SOME WHERE ELSE. Here are a few suggestions:
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Customer
This is just a friendly reminder that you owe me 5 minutes. You don’t have to pay it right now, but if you could get it to me by the end of the month it would be great. 
.
In case you forgot, I was standing behind you in line the other day at Wal-Mart when you took more than 3 minutes to get the money from your pocket to the cashier. I completely understand that with both that $25 box set of One Tree Hill and $1.14 pack of gum you couldn’t do the mental math in your head to get the money ready. The fact that you were standing in line for 15 minutes waiting to get to the cashier isn’t even worth mentioning (it’s not like I’d expect you to do something besides play with yourself while standing in line after all)
Who in their right mind would want to show that they have money on them? You’d stick out from everybody else in line waiting to pay for their items with crazy actions like that. Everybody knows that the two feet from where you were standing isn’t nearly as safe a place to show that you have to count out 73 cents worth of pennies as directly in front of the cashier.
I’ll let you get back to your busy day, just wanted to send you a little reminder. I’m sure you have a lot to do between watching your soap operas and complaining that all 7 of your ‘despectfool kiz’ keep calling you an unemployed, overweight whore. At least you still get the child payments from one of the five baby-daddy’s right? You can always pop another one out when the next season comes out on DVD, it’s not like tax payers money is better spent elsewhere or anything.
Keep reaching for the stars,
Jeff
P.S. Don’t worry, Even though I got to the bus stop just in time to see the bus drive away I only had to wait 45 minutes to catch the next one. Bitch.
Old men are funny
“I’m newly retired and have decided to sell all my projects/toys. I have many things to sell, and I appreciate you looking at them. They are as follows:
1999 Buick Regal LS……………$5,100.00
1993 Dodge 4×4 1/2 ton Pick up….$2,600.00
1983 Chevy El-Camino………………$2,600.00
1958 Chevy Apache Fleetside……$23,000.00
2000 Yamaha Roadstar.. 1600cc…..$6,000.00
19xx Wife…………………….$ Negotiable”
Del’s rant
The internet is at War! Security experts and botnets are constantly squaring off against each other 24/7/365. Worms taking advantage of people or companies who don’t secure their computer and networks are reeking havoc on the internet. Some reports even think that some worms like the Storm Worm have enough processing power in their botnets that they can rival any super computer out there. The estimates range anywhere from 1 million to 50 million infected computers sending out 1500+ spam messages in as little as 5 minutes.
The fact of the matter is that people are just plain stupid and lazy they can’t take the time to make sure they have a simple antivirus or firewall solution in place. all it takes is a few proactive measure and most people could avoid having their computers hijacked unless someone is out to get you. most of the worms and Trojans take advantage of dumb people opening emails they shouldn’t be, visiting sites that install malware on unprotected systems and not having their systems patched with recent updates. Go install a free antivirus solution like avg and make sure to have it auto update its definitions at least once a week. A good free firewall is another must have item and a some decent free spyware software. one thing that still spreads viruses and worms extremely effectively is people opening attachments. Even a 6yr old knows not to open email attachment from a stranger, it’s like eating a candy apple with razor blades in it on Halloween. Be smart on the internet and don’t become a soldier for the evil bot armies.