Authors
Ticked Tuesday: Dear Lazy typers
I’m really annoyed with your laziness. I mean you’re seriously lazy. Typing isn’t a hard thing to do but if you get so lazy that you need to start shortening down 2 and 3 letter words (which in most places don’t even count as a ‘real’ word to begin with) then you need to find a different way to communicate.
Lets do some examples here. If you types “g2g” or “brb” I can understand that because it’s easier and quicker than typing “got to go” or “be right back”, there are quite a few letters there and would take you a little bit longer to type. However, when you type “nite” instead of “night”, “u” instead of “you”, “r” instead of “are”, “2″ instead of “to/too”, etc… I want to just reach through the monitor and slap the fucktard out of you. If you’re shortening a word down by less than 3 letters you’re not saving time you’re being fucking lazy.
Please try to work on this problem before our next meeting or GET THE HELL OF MY INTERNET. Tell your mom I say ‘Hi’.
Cheers,
Jeff
Movin’ On Up
Warning, I ramble here for a bit. Scroll down to paragraph 4 to save time
Jeff needs to be more like The Jeffersons. So far his life has gone almost nowhere. He graduated from high school and wanted to take a bit of time off while he decided what to do. He went up to his father’s for vacation that summer and never went back to where he came from. He got an easy and remote job (which he was told up front wouldn’t be wise to try turning into a career), saved a bit of cash and moved into his first apartment. Over the next year and a half Jeff completely killed his social life and wasted almost all of his money as he made it, not thinking this virtual babysitter job would ever end. Then it did.
That brings us to the present day. I, the sad shell of a former great Jeff, needs to become FUCKING AWESOME again. I cut my hippy hair off, started eating right again and am in the process of deciding who the hell I am supposed to be. I think 2 years is long enough to ‘take off’ after high school, don’t you?
So the first step is to decide what the end goal is going to be, what is it that I want to do? I’ve jumped through a lot of things I’ve called to be my ‘dream job’. I’ve wanted to be a firefighter, a game tester, a politician, a cartoonist, a director, a blogger/writer, an IT tech, a cop, a dancing chicken, and most recently something involving online social networks (see extended). Of all those jobs the only ones that have really stuck are blogger/writer, IT tech, and a dancing chicken (most of which eliminated due to complete lack of talent or not being physically fit enough).
Jeff realizes he’s rambling and tries to sum it up
If the remaining jobs, I need more practice/education to achieve these goals. As I’ve already discussed with a few people, I think I’m going to try getting back into school and try to get some tech certifications since I think I fair pretty well on the content anyway. I’m thinking about starting with the CompTIA A+ certification, as it is widely recognized and is a good balance of both hardware/software. Further than that, I might look into some more specialized, maybe a MCSE. Though costs money, so I’ll work on getting the first one then see what’s up.
To swing another way, I might take some journalistic or writing courses. I might actually try to take some anyway, even if not for a career to attempt to improve my blogging abilities. I know I don’t have many readers, but there are those that do and it feels great knowing somebody thinks enough of me to read my posts and cares what I think. And I will admit, my heart jumps with glee every time I get an email with the subject “Somebody has comment on ( Post )”. I might look into finding some resources as well about writing better online, maybe actually read a book if needed (I know, I’m shocked I just typed that too!)
Of course, if I get lazy I can just dance around the house in my underwear and practice for the chicken job.
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We’re sorry
The job that you are applying for is not available. Please try again later.’
I’m browsing Workopolis for jobs and I come across one for Telus.
The first thing that pops into my mind is “Hey, I can sell cell phones, that’s not too bad. And hell, I’m a Telus customer too”. So I continue reading expecting to see that it requires previous experience (which it does) but it also requires “Post secondary education – College diploma or University degree”. At this point my mind completely swings around, because honestly most of the Telus employees don’t know a cell phone from a hole in the ground (as you can see if you check out some of my earlier posts). I could totally confuse a cell phone for a hole in the ground twice as good as most of them can. Bastards. Maybe I need to go back to school and take something easy. Like knitting. I’ll get a degree in Yawnology, that’ll show em.
I could always get a job at 7-Eleven instead. I have to say, for such a dumbed down job, this ad makes it sound pretty good. They could have simply put “Free Slurpies!” though and I’d have been impressed.
I Quit. Damn.
Well, I’m a big quitter. Yep, I quit my job after 1 five hour shift, I just couldn’t do it. I honestly felt like I was killing babies or something. All I really had to do was call up and say “Hello my name is Jeff calling on behalf of CMHC, Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation. May I ask you two minutes worth of questions?” and it SUCKED. Do you know how hard it is to say to some random person on the phone and not get hung up on? It’s not like saying “Hi I’m calling from Wendy’s” or something short and to the point. If I just said “CMHC” that might be ok, but then they wouldn’t know what it was. If you hear the word ‘Canada’ that’s OK, but when you have ‘Mortgage’, ‘Housing’ and ‘Corporation’ you’re going to assume they’re trying to sell you something. It would be a lot easier if they used something shorter, because there is no easy way to get through that intro without sounding like a telemarketer.
As far as the actual calls go, about 1/5 of my calls were ‘busy circuits’ so it just said “This number is not available, please try again later” so I had to set it to put the number back into the sample for +1 day. I can do that. 1/5 was no answer, easy. 1/5 was an answering machine/voice mail so again that’s not too bad.
That leaves 2/5 left; those are the 2/5 that had real people on the line. In 5 hours time, only six (yes 6) people actually allowed me to complete the survey. It’s not even a long survey, it really only does take like 2 minutes. The longest the survey can be is 7 questions long and they’re all multiple choice. Six is horrible when you take into account that I called over 300 people. So being hung up on by 294 people really makes you feel like shit. Yes I know I shouldn’t be taking it personally, but here is the catch: They are comparing you to the other remote agents and you can see it.
On the left side of the screen at all times there are 2 bars with green at one and and red at the other with a marker on it. Your goal is to keep your bar in the green. The bar is based on how quick you dial, how quick you input the status, completed surveys and how quick you pick up the next call. Well my little marker was in red the WHOLE time. I thought I was doing well, less than 5 seconds between calls and had my macros going, so was at a pretty steady pace. Wrong, it was in red. The other bar is how all of the other remote agents are doing and of coursed it’s in green.
In short, I was doing horrible and I knew it. Not only was my bar in the crapper, but sitting hunched over the keyboard with one hand on the headset earphone left my back and neck hurting like a bitch. Add the headache of knowing that I’m completely blowing it on my first shift and I don’t feel too well to say the least.
I thought this was going to be easier than telemarketing would be, but I really don’t think it is. People don’t hate people trying to sell them stuff on the phone, they hate being called period. I know I sure as hell hate when somebody calls me trying to get me do anything, be it buying or answering a survey or even just annoying chit-chat in some cases. I really didn’t feel my heart was in this job, and I’ve never been a fan of phones at all really so I have no idea why I even took it. Suppose because it was the first people that called me back.
Oh well, already sent in my resignation and feel better about it. It’s said that after every long relationship the best thing to get you to move on is a one night stand. Why can’t it work with jobs too? Two and a half years at a job, a quickie being a phone prick and now I can move on. I noticed a few help wanted signs around the other day, so I have more places to apply to. Once I put those out and with the other ones that are already floating around I’ll have around 37 or so out there. Wish me luck.
And remember that if you happen to see anything I might be interested in (be it customer service, maybe a tech job or hell even blogging or something) let me know. In fact, anything that’s not going to ask me to pay cash out to make money let me know and I’ll take a look at it. Or you can just send me money, I accept all major credit cards, Debit transfers, Linden dollars and PayPal…can’t say I didn’t try. .I wonder if the local university has any interesting science experiments going that I can sign up for… >:D
Pays me funny monies plz
So as I mentioned before, I got a new job. And it uses the phone, which scares the flippin’ hell out of me since I suck at talking on the phone. Not to mention I think my hearing is going. In short what I have to do is call up people and get them to do surveys, which I enter the answer into a system using an interface with radio buttons. The whole thing is pretty simple for those who have used any real chat client/site before (which I obviously have too much experience with). It’s definitely not the most complicated job in the world.
However, it’s not so simple. Well OK it is. So a run through of my training today (I did some online quizzes the other day, simple memorize and answer multiple choice things). Today I had a conference call that started at 5pm. Well it started off shaky when Naomi called my cell instead of my home phone (When asked to give a contact number, I gave my cell solely because it’s better to reach me. I assumed they’d ask for a number for work after, they didn’t. Oh well). So that threw me off a little, then she called my home phone and we were all set. In the call there were 4 other people being trained, all women. So of course since women always sound better on the phone, my confidence shrunk to the size of a gay man’s junk at a Dyke Hike.
The call was planned for 5-6 hours. Which given that there was 5 people being trained, would mean an hour each were you not teaching them at the same time. Really, I have to question the other ladies’ experience with computers beforehand because it seemed really limited. Naomi obviously knew her stuff really well, but I’d think I could have blown through everything in 30 minutes or less were it just myself. A lot of time would have been cut off if they had just down what was requested in the emails we had received before, but they didn’t. Naomi: “If you click the schedule tab, it will take you to a list where the schedule docs are listed” Woman: “Are we supposed to be in the ‘General’ tab?” Naomi: “No, click the ’schedule’ tab”. Needless to say, I had to click the mute button a lot to keep from both laughing and swearing at them. Oh well.
There was one girl though, think her name was Xani or Angle, she had a good grasp on it. So wasn’t completely alone in knowing what I was doing. Eventually when we got done the mock-calls we went off and did some real calls. My first call was an answering machine. My second call was an answering machine. My third call was a “This number is currently unavailable. Please try again later” so I had to ask if that was a busy circuit or # not available code. My next 3 calls I got hung up on before I got 1/2 way through the intro (Got through about “Hello my name is Jeff and I am” before they hung up). The next dozen calls I got the same previous things, didn’t actually get to do 1 survey so kinda sucked.
The job sounds easy, and honestly as long as I can memorize the script/questions and add smile to my voice they’re going to pay me to get hung up on. I’ve been doing that for free for years. I’m totally going to the labor board about back pay issues, so watch your back Mags!
Test
I broke my laptop and i fixed it again I’m good like that. Your tech guru Del.
Tell me he didn’t just say that!
I went to the mall today to pick up a new phone and a headset for work (I got a new job doing market research, yay!) and decided to take the bus because it was hot out to walk. It worked out pretty well, got to the bus stop just as the bus pulled up for both the trip there and back so there wasn’t any waiting.
On the way back there was only 3 passengers: Myself, and two elderly women. So we’re going around the route and a colored woman in her late 20s-early 30s gets on. Well I grew up in ‘Lily white Rothesay’ so my exposure is pretty limited to anybody but white. However, I try my damnedest not to think anything racist and surely never say it. But there are those times when the thoughts cross my mind. Back to the story, she gets on and is fumbling for some change and the bus driver starts going. After about a minute the woman says to the bus driver “I can’t seem to find my change, can you let this one slide”. Now in my head I think “Figures a black person with no change. Oh shit, have to stop thinking that I’m such an asshole”. No sooner had I thought that the bus driver replies to her “No,” and he hits the breaks “and we don’t accept food stamps either now get off my bus nigger.”
All I could think was “Holy shit, he didn’t just say that!” I looked to the elderly women to make sure I didn’t just think he said that and it was apparent that it was actually said. One of the women’s eyes were almost popping out of her head with her jaw on the floor and the other was already standing ready to beat the living hell out of the bus driver. The colored woman got off the bus in the middle of the intersection without saying anything and the elderly women and myself followed, leaving the bus completely empty. We walked over to the corner and called the transit company about the bus driver and they said he would be dealt with.
I still can’t believe he fucking said that, what a piece of shit.
Reverse Hair Transplant
My hair is SHORT! Here are the pictures with the longer hair. To see the shorter ones check out the extended entry. She started with the clippers and actually had to switch and use scissors first because there was too much hair. It was great, and Heather did a really good job..And yes I know I still look like shit, so die.
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Whoo hoo, fired!
Now that I’ve sobered up a bit since I found out, I think I’ll blog about it
That’s right, I got fired. I was with this company for almost 2 and a half years and as of the 31st I was canned, less than 12 hours before the shift which they had scheduled me for not 3 days previously. A kicker there is that I thought something was odd when there was more than $150 more in my pay/deposit the same day (which had to be submitted 2 weeks in advance).
So to start at the beginning, I did my job well. I didn’t miss shifts, I didn’t turn down shifts and I always did what I was supposed to on my shifts. In 2 years I missed 2 shifts, had to cancel 6 shifts (all with at least 24 hours notice) and only ’screwed up’ once (thought it was proven after I had no control over it). So I was a pretty good employee.
I got a call on August 1st at 1:20am from a co-worker saying “You need to check your email, there is a new schedule out and you’re not on it.” Previous to this call, I thought I was scheduled for 100 hours. So I get out of bed and go check my email, there are 2 emails sitting there unread. One labeled “[CA] *MyUsername*” which was sent at 11:40pm July 31st and a second email labeled “[CA]Rota August & Sept” sent at 12:07am on August 1st. Now for me to get an email with my username in it isn’t normal, so something is up.
I click on the email with my username in it to find that my password/username isn’t working and thus I can’t read the email. I close the program and try again, still nothing. So I decide to message the person who sent it on AIM and ask if there is something I should know about since I can’t check my email. She asks for an alternate email address.
Moments later, I get a forwarded copy of the email which was sent to the email account I no longer have access to. You can read the email as I received in in the extended entry
In short form: I got a generic letter from them asking me to be “professional” and not to tell anybody that they fired me with less than 24 hours notice. Also, they didn’t give me an actual reason as to why I was fired. They also go on to say that I was not fired, but they were just “laying me off”. They then ask if I want the rest of my coworkers to be told that I simply resigned.
First off, I had less than a 2 hour window to get the email notifying me that I was being let go before they cut off my email. So unless I was awake at midnight, chances are I wouldn’t get it. When you’re firing somebody it’s usually good to make sure they’re going to be able to get the message. If they had even given me a 48 hour notice before completely removing all access that I had to the company, I might not be quite as upset. But when I have to be notified through an instant messenger it’s pretty insulting and definitely not showing any sign of “professionalism”. They can call me up at 5am to ask me to cover a shift for them but don’t have the common decency to call me and let me know I’m unemployed. Thanks.
So that being said, lets break down the email itself. First, they say that shifts are being eliminated. Were that that case and my shifts were being eliminated that would be fine, I would truly be laid off. However as other mods have informed me, my shifts were not removed another mod simply took them over. But they don’t want me telling other people this was their excuse and thus calling them out on their lie.
They say they can’t base it on longevity. It seems faulty though since they’ve been going on the whole time I had worked for them about seniority but whatever. A company should base employment on how the employee works. So it’s based on performance, reliability and availability. Strange, I did well in all of those. I did all of my work and when teamed with another I often aided them when they fell behind, the only times shifts were ever missed were emergencies which could not be ignored and I took nearly any shift that was given to me. So there is the 2nd load of horse crap they’re feeding me. But I failed several of these? And there have been issues that can not be ignored? Wow, it would have been nice if I was informed that there were issues. I mean damn I’m smart but I haven’t perfected mind reading yet. And for those reasons, I’m being laid off. No, when somebody is being let go because they’re not doing their job right they get FIRED. But whatever, I’ll take it this way since it looks better.
They removed my rights, my email and blocked me from my own account in-game. Which included many things I had purchased. They can bet I’ll be sending them an email about this to them in the next 24 hours to have the account returned so I can sell off anything I have left. And for the record it seems ‘good circumstances’ include me wanting to tear out your eyes with a rusted fork.
I am being fired, quit kidding yourself and trying to keep me from getting pissed. They then ask me to LIE and say I resigned. I would NOT resign from a job without something else lined up and none of my co-workers would believe if it they tried to push that story. What kind of dishonest employer would want employees to purposely be lied to? Oh wait, guess I answered my own question, huh?
They thank me for devoting 2 years of working shitty shifts and never complaining and hope that I stay with the community. Are you retarded? After treating me like shit the last thing you want me to do is stay in the community because I WILL tell all the customers about how poorly you treat staff, I will tell them about how you’re lowering standards and allowing teenagers to promote pornography to keep business up and I will point out the fact that you’re promoting youth gambling. So no, I don’t think I’ll be sticking around the community too much if you’re not paying me to do so, sorry.
I’m getting my vacation pay, no shit you didn’t have a choice. And you can bet that I’ll be filing for back pay that I didn’t get for a year and a half because you weren’t paying me time and a half for holidays. It should be enough to full pay off my rent for a month Yeah, because they totally put the P in Professional
I won’t get back to you because I will tell you off, and I’d rather tell them myself that I hate you.
Hope you get cancer,
Jeff
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Movie: Simpsons Movie (Review)
If you love the TV series then you should love the movie. Everything thats done right with the animated series and all the quirky little jokes thrown throughout an episode are in the movie. From Mr Burns threatening the towns people to the frequent jokes and even a 2 second nude scene. in the beginning homer even makes fun of the audience saying he can’t believe that anyone would pay to see this when they can watch it at home. if your a fan of the Simpsons show then this is a must see. Even if your not a huge fan this is still a good comedy tons of laughs thrown in from slapstick to the occasional political joke.