I R Blogging

I want Telus to have my babies

I’m completely serious, if Telus could reproduce there would be cellphones running around with blue hair. They’ve been doing a great job lately. Lets start with last month for instance.

I’ve been on a 3 year contract for 2 years 2 months and my phone is now out of warranty when it starts acting up. It would have been $80 to fix it. They phone it in customer service, cancel the remaining 10 months of my contract and start me anew on a 2 year contract (Which I would have done anyway when the 10 months were up) and I get the newer model of my old phone free ($79.99 normally). I only get charged $25 ’serial fee’ to switch the phones over.

Now to bring us up to the present, I’ve decided after living on my own for over a year I should actually work on putting a budget into place. You know, actually stop spending more than I’m making every month. I decided to start with my $95 cell phone bill. This is a pretty good spot to start since there was actually a pamphlet with my last bill saying “Wanna save some money? Ask us how” and had the Telus monkey holding some change in his hand. First the rate plan: $50 for 400 minutes to anywhere in Canada anytime was my current. In the past six months, I have’t gone over 200 minutes/month (Yeah, nobody loves me enough to put up with me on the phone for 400 minutes). I was calling them up today to change it to the $30 for 150 minutes to anywhere in Canada. $20 savings, and I usually don’t talk to people that long anyway.

I give the Telus Customer service and get the cheerfully annoying automated voice system (and for any of you that know of the doors from the ship Heart of Gold from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, it’s exactly the same). Most days, you have to go through like 7 or 8 different menus, but then you don’t have to explain yourself a million times to the rep after. Today I simply said “Rate Plan Change” and it took me right to the rep which is great. I told him I wanted to change my plan, he did it. Then he said “I can save you a lot more”. To which I replied “Oh yeah?”, as a smile grew on my face, “How so?”. He then looked at my unlimited messaging plan (text/picture) for $15 (I got this when picture messaging was the new ‘in’ thing and never bothered to change it later once video came along and prices dropped). He has a look and there is a plan for $7 that gives 100 text, 100 picture and 100 video. And includes caller ID which I was paying an additional $5 for. Last month I used 49 text, 2 epicures. So of course, I gave him the go ahead.

I don’t know about you, but it seems strange that a company would go out of their way and look for a way so you don’t have to give them as much money. I know for sure I wouldn’t have done it. So I saved $55 on my phone and from now on will be spending $33 (+tax) less on my cellphone bill. I think that’s one hell of nice cut. I’d definitely recommend people switch over to Telus for all their cellphone needs. They rock my socks. Twice.

A hunk A hunk of burning flesh

I hate the sun, I really do. I was outside on Tuesday and didn’t put sunscreen on since I was in the shade. Yeah, I’m dumb. My shoulders, arms and chest are red as red can be. Strangely enough though, it didn’t bother me Tuesday or Wednesday. It started getting that burning/itchy feeling Thursday at around 4pm. After 3 hours of pain, I decided to go to Shopper’s Drug Mart to try and get some Aloe Vera for it, see if that helps.

I didn’t find any Aloe Vera, but got some Solarcaine Medicated Lidocaine Gel (The bottle says it heals sunburns, and is green like Aloe so I assume it’s Shopper’s brand Aloe Vera). So I pick it up, run home and try it: Makes it worse. So I spend the next 3 and a half hours standing in my shower since the hot water cools it off.

Eventually I manage to get out, call Cheryl in hopes that she A) has a better idea or B) can drive me to the hospital.. Then Mags messages me with another answer: Vinegar and baking soda. At this point I’m willing to try anything rather than standing in my shower until I pass out or sit in the hospital for 6 hours to get looked at.

So I try it out, and it works. Almost. As anybody who has passed the 3rd grade knows, when you combine vinegar and baking soda they bubble for a few seconds then form a thick white paste (Note: would work well for visual effects if you’re making a porno film). Anyway, it worked well when it was still bubbling and relieved pain for about 5 minutes afterwards on that spot. So I’m lying there on my bathroom floor with white goop from the vinegar/baking soda mix on my chest and spraying the itchy spots every 5 minutes so it starts bubbling again. I eventually pass out.

The next morning I wake up (still on my bathroom floor) and the itching has subsided a little. I have found though that wearing a shirt actually helps. Don’t ask me how, but it does. Seems to cool down the burningness and stuff. So a baggy t-shirt is key.

Long story short:
Sun: 1
Me: 0

Laugh, it’s the fuzz!

Sit down as I tell you a little tale of me mouthing off to a police officer.

I’m walking behind the public school heading home at 3am. In my hand I’m holding an extra large Tim Horton’s cup which is bright red and has Tim Horton’s written all over it so there is no mistaking it. I walk up to the car casually and take one of my headphones out as he gets out of the car and I say Hi. Now this guy is the same guy who stopped me about two weeks ago about 50 feet from the spot he stopped me today, and that day I showed him my ID and was very easy going He asks where I’m coming from and I look at this huge cup in my hand, look at him and say “Tatooine”. He looks and me with a puzzled expression on his face and asks where that is. Not missing a beat I reply “a galaxy far far away”. I think at this point he realizes that I’m fucking with him. He then tells me to watch it and empty my pockets on the hood of the car. At this point all that I have going through my head is “Can I even fit my hands in my pants pockets they’e so tight?”. So I ask him if he has a warrant, take another drink of my coffee and look at him with a a big smile on my face.

He tells me to do it or he’s going to take me downtown we pretty much are downtown.I ask him if the backdoor is unlocked and point at the car door. He gave me a dirty look, got in his car and drove off.

It was fun to say the least.

Blue Hair?!

Like totally no way and stuff!
Note: It actually has more colour, but due to the coding of the site it shows the images semi-transparent. Click the imae for the unedited picture.

Two dreams for the price of one!

So I just had 2 dreams. I know for most people it’s not a big deal to dream, but I do it so rarely that it’s like going to Disney World.
Dream One
It started off at my Dad’s old house. I came down the stairs from the bedroom (I guess I was still living there at the time) and my Dad was sitting at a table talking to a man. He introduced the man as Guy Fawkes. I commented “Well don’t try to blow up this place, won’t do you any good”. And my Dad just shot me daggers, as though he didn’t get it and the man just looked puzzled. They then went on to tell me that we’re going to Jamaica, as they have something they need to take care of.

On the way there, I ended up losing my laptop bag in the airport, so I have no laptop/phone/ipod/etc so I’m completely cut off from pretty much everything else now. We got to the hotel and it was strange, 4 rooms shared 1toilet/sink, but had seperate showers. In fact, the door that leads to the toilet was at the back of the shower. Odd, I know.

So myself, my father and Guy Fawkes were in a jeep on the shoreline driving somewhere and one of our tires blew out. Instantly, the two of them pulled hand guns out and ducked down as a bullet went wizzing by my head. The only thing I could say was “The fuck?!” They gave me a hand gun and told me they had some people that needed to be taken care of. The next thing I know I’m in the jungle taking out rebels with a machine gun.
Then I woke up.
End of Dream One

So while I was awake I got a drink, munched on some french fries and stuff, and went back to sleep.

Dream Two
I was walking through a sub-division with Cheryl heading to my apartment. The sub-division was one that I used to go trick-or-treating in when I was younger, and isn’t even in the same province as where I currently live. On the way we passed a bus stop (which was taken from beside my father’s old house. That’s 3 mis-matched locations so far). Sitting in the grass beside this bus stop was a black bag, but nobody was around. As I got closer I could see the Roots logo on it, it was my laptop bag. I checked it out and it looked like everything was there, including for some reason a palm leaf. I shook off the confusion, picked it up and carried on my way.

When we got back to the apartment building, Cheryl said she was having some friends over and I should stop by. I told her I might, but not to wait up. That being said, we went our seperate ways. A while later there was banging at my door, it was Cheryl and Jaimie. They told me to stop being a nerd and come over. I told them I’d rather not, and they told me they had strippers. Calling them on it, they said they’d give me $100 if they didn’t. So given the situation that I either get to see boobs or bills, I went over. Well, there were no strippers, but a group of people. Some friends, some family and some ex-girlfriends. I turn to leave, but they locked the door. “It’s an intervention. You need help” they tell me. When I ask to what they say “Your life is fucked up, you need to be like us, you’re too weird.”

I try to leave again, and they bring out ropes, tape and a cattle prod. Like that was going to happen? I change into a beast resembling Sabertooth from the classic X-Men. The next thing I know the apartment is filled with blood and there are no bodies around.
Then I wake up.
End of Dream Two

So yeah, I find it strange that the two dreams were linked through the laptop bag. I’ve never had a dreams before that actually related to another dream. I also killed a lot, but I got to see palm trees (I love palm trees) so they were pretty good dreams. Anyway, that is all.

On your left, you’ll notice death…

I’ve been thinking about death a lot lately. Not about killing myself, I don’t think I could bring myself to that. I’m far too egotistical for that, suicides never get much publicity. But just about life and death in general.

Read the extended for my ramblings, it’s too long here and would break my layout.
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