• Women: Another Piece

    Date: 2008.07.10 | Posted by | Category: Blogathon, Ze Authors | Response: 1

    of ass the puzzle! By George I think I’ve got it, women like it when you look like crap. Have a really rough looking beard growing in? Keep it. Have a really nice shirt on that you just took out of the laundry basket? Wear it. Haven’t showered in a week? Well, that’s kinda gross. Long story short: Women like you looking horrible. No, hear me out.

    Example 1 (Bulk barn girl): Hadn’t shaved in 3 days had a huge pimple on my forehead and was wearing one of the geekiest hats ever. I was really tired and buying 10lbs of candy. I got a phone number and discount on candy.

    Example 2 (Holly the Holy): This young lady approached me while I was at the bus stop (because all high class people hang out there). I now haven’t shaved in about 2 weeks, I took the shirt out the hamper, just got off a 12 hour shift, was in a car accident on the way home and now am over full from eating at Denny’s: So I looked and acted like a lifeless hobo (I was even yelling at stray cats. Ok that’s a lie I’m sure they had owners). She introduced herself and asked if she could talk to me about Jesus and since I had 15 minutes before the bus (and she is totally my type minus the whole Jesus thing) I said sure. Apparently God wants this attractive young woman to hold my hand, tell me how soft it is and that I smell like pancakes (which were in my bag). Oh, and that Jesus will let you get away with anything. I gave her my number for something or other, she gave me her cell number.

    This brings me to two conclusions which should narrow down what women look for in the opposite sex:

    1) Something to fix. It’s not hard to get somebody to shave, wear a clean shirt and get rid of a zit. Nor is it hard to make them commit to something which has very little importance to them anyway (in this case religion) but it ‘looks good on the resume’. Just tiny tweaks.

    2) They should have, smell like or BE food. This doesn’t need explaining.

    And before it comes up saying I’m just a complete stud of a man and a total babe magnet with a huge…income; My numbers over the last year doubled since I started looking like garbage. Those are some badass results. The code is cracked, just like the women who use it. Boo ya!